Rock Bottom

I feel like im a monster. i hate looking at myself in the mirror when i ido i want to cut myself im so hidious and extremly large. i just want to be happy and full of energy and do things with the kids. i wish i could see myself as beautiful.
It scares me how i see myself. i want to cut cause it will take the pain im feeling away.
why do i have to feel this way. i hate how one day im fine and the next irritable and depressed. like today i kept yelling at the kids for stupid reason
i want to love myself and not be a monster:(