(You must trust when all else fails)"Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sarah's womb. Romans 4:18-19"
This is something I have to remember...to trust and to keep my faith in GOD I know he will guide me in the right direction and make peace with in me. But I just cant stop this battle that is going on inside of me I want it to STOP!!!!I'm torn about finding a job after 10 years of not working...I know I have to and I want to but I feel like there is so much pressure on me to find one and I don't understand why. I mean when my husband was laid off and we only had my income coming I was fine with supporting my family but I feel like he does not want to take on the responsibility of it while I am looking.So I tell him I will drop out of school so I can get a job now and he tells me NO I am not doing that. Then when I was on facebook I see he is friends with a girl our marriage counselor told him to brake all ties from if he wants our marriage to work.So now am I battling the bad feelings about not being able to take care of my family but the old issues of wondering if he truly wants to stay married to me is coming back.I feel like just running away and not coming back. I hate these feelings that I am dealing with. I know I need to stop, take a breath & pray and turn everything over to GOD and let him handle everything and guide me in the right direction. But I can't help to think maybe I should of left in March and we would not be going through this right now. I try to put on the "happy " face and pretend everything is going wonderfully and be positive but I cant I see me building a wall up and not letting anyone in and I don't want to go there or be that bitter person.
But even though I am going through these feeling right now I am making it a wonderful and fun summer for my kids. I think my new residence is outside:) Every day we are at the pool or at the beach.
My kids and daycare kids enjoying the pool:)
Its been relaxing and enjoyable so far this summer. And I found out yesterday that my mom finally gets to come home this Thursday after being gone for 3 weeks:) The kids and I are so excited we have missed her and we will be celebrating Father's Day on Sunday.....we waited for her to be home to celebrate it. Starting now...today I am embracing the day it is my day and following the Lord for he will place me on the right path and I know keeping my faith in him I will have peace and everything will work out!!!!