Today I started my Lexapro and I know i just started it but i felt a little better i didnt feel so down or sad i actually had energy and i did something i did not think i would be able to do. I took the kids down to the pool and spent the afternoon down there enjoying the sun and watching the kiddos play. I didnt even have a panic attack. Now if i could of been that brave and went to open labs. I have till the end of july to check off and get my cpr and background and drug test done. im so scared to get that done and graduate. I pray that the new meds continue to help and im able to get out of the house more and do more like today. but im proud of wat baby steps i made today.
Last night I couldnt sleep everytime I would try to sleep I kept seeing the day my momma died and it would scare me. I just want to sleep all night with no bad dreams. While I was dreaming of that day I then would hear my other personality tell me to cut myself and that way I would feel better and all the pain would go away. I hate when that personality comes out she wants me to hurt myself and she likes to spend money and very sexual like i cant get enough sex with johnathon. Then the little girl my other personality is very shy and doesnt like to be around alot of people and she feels like crying and wants to stay safe in her home.
Well enough for now going to try to enjoy some time with the kiddos.